Gaining Independence in the New Year: A Therapist’s Reflections on Healing After Divorce

You never expected to be in this place in life. Your marriage has ended, for any number of reasons that relationships end. Regardless of what led you to where you are now, it’s painful.

For some, the dissolution of your marriage came after traumatic and harrowing years. For others, it was unfaithfulness that has wrecked your trust and sense of security. You may have already started dating again, or you aren’t even ready to think about a relationship yet. Along with that are all the holiday happenings that you are now doing without your spouse and it can bring home the loss of your marriage in a whole new way, especially the firsts. How do you navigate this place you now find yourself?

Though the healing process will look different for you than for anyone else, there are some ideas that tend to ring true for many who are navigating recovery from divorce. For one, recognizing that you and your needs and wants are unique to you will allow you to also respond to what you need at any given time.

If your process is showing up in various emotions like anger, sadness, apathy, irritability, relief - do what you can to give permission to yourself to feel whatever you feel. Those internal experiences are yours alone and no one else has walked exactly in your shoes and so can’t fully speak to what you are going through (they will try though!)

Healing from divorce may also entail grieving what you lost. You went into marriage planning and hoping that it would be forever. You dreamed with your spouse. You envisioned your future selves together. You loved each other and had a life together. Both the past and the unrealized future can bring grief.

Recovering from grief may mean feeling the pain so that you are able to process and move through that painful place. If you’re like most people, you don’t like pain and may try to push it away. But grief seems to be one of those things in life where the “way out is through.”

Another very important aspect of healing after divorce is your other relationships. Identify who your people are that will let you feel all the ways you feel without putting guilt or “shoulds” on you, and spend time with them. Empathic people who actually listen seem like they can be hard to find, but if you have one in your life, try to spend time with them.

Feeling seen and heard in this time of your life can do much to aid in your self-renewal. If you haven’t yet found one of those people, a Divorce Support Group is a great place to find like-minded individuals who will share and listen, and most of all, who really understand the complexities of healing after divorce. Your pain is real and deserves to be seen and acknowledged by people who care about your heart.

Healing after divorce can be a painful and difficult process in many ways. It is okay to honor what you are needing in this time and nurture the sore places in your heart and soul. You will find a new way to be independent and to be truly you. Our caring counselors are always here to walk alongside you on your journey so you don’t have to muddle through it alone.

For individuals who want to heal from the emotional turmoil of a divorce or break-up while getting support and tools to move forward with your life again.

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Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.

Author Biography

Alicia Kwande is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor. Alicia helps adults (especially moms and caregivers) who give all they have to others, leaving themselves with that empty feeling. Alicia assists adults in managing their anxiety, depression, work-life balance, and grief and loss. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.