After a divorce, or even while you’re still going through it, you probably have a lot of thoughts. A lot of things going around in your head, that you’re not quite sure how to handle and process through. What you’re going through is completely normal. And regardless of whether you or your partner initiated the divorce, or if it was mutual, you will likely still experience grief and some sadness from the loss.
Divorce, the breaking up of a long-term relationship, is most definitely a loss. You are losing a sense of partnership, of support, of a person who you thought would be by your side forever. And it’s sad! Mourning the loss of not only your specific partner but of all the other associated things that you’re losing, can definitely bring up some hard emotions.
And as you know, men don’t tend to have a dedicated space or person to talk to about their emotions. About their thoughts on what happened, why it happened, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Some men have a trusted confidant, but overall, there are few people whom you really trust to open up to and share your true feelings and thoughts with.
This is why it is important for you, as a divorced or recently divorced man, to seek out that support yourself. A Men’s Divorce Support Group is a great place to meet others who are going through what you are going through and to not be judged by your reactions. And luckily for you, if you live in Colorado, we have a divorce support group just for you.
Understanding the Impact of Divorce on Men
There are many ways that divorce impacts men. The top three, in my opinion, are:
Emotional Distress
Financial Stress
Loss of Social Support
Let’s take a look at how each one of these may affect you.
Emotional Distress After Divorce:
Any relationship break-up, but especially divorce or the end of a long-term relationship, often leads to emotional distress. What this means is that you may have intense feelings come up that you may not be equipped to handle. Emotions such as grief, sadness, anger, and frustration are all normal to experience post-divorce.
The turmoil, even confusion, in your brain about how you’re feeling, how you’re supposed to feel, and even what you don’t want to feel, can affect your mental well-being. In turn, if these emotions are suppressed or not processed thoroughly, they can lead to conditions like depression and anxiety.
Financial Stress After Divorce:
Moving from a two-income household to a one-income household, with possibly more than one house, can definitely bring on financial stress for men. During a divorce, you divide up your assets, possibly start to pay alimony or child support, and may even have legal expenses from the divorce itself. All of this can contribute to feeling stressed financially.
Being uncertain about your financial future can impact your overall well-being. The stress may come out in other ways, such as unhealthy habits, taking your frustrations out on others, and poor work performance.
Loss of Social Support After Divorce:
If you were together with your partner for a while, you likely have mutual friends and acquaintances. You probably did many things together with others. And when you divorce, you may end up losing those friendships also. All of this can change your social network and ability to have friends to talk with about what you’re going through.
When you lose friends and social support from others, this may bring up feelings of isolation and loneliness. And trying to build a new support system when you’re still recovering from the divorce can definitely be challenging.
All of these aspects can impact your emotional health, plus numerous other things that may impact you that I didn’t mention. So, what to do about it? Read on to find out why you should consider joining a Men’s Divorce Support Group.
Benefits of a Men’s Divorce Support Group
What is a support group? In general, a support group is a group of people who come together to provide and get support from one another. In particular, a Men’s Divorce Support Group is geared towards men who have experienced a divorce, are going through a divorce, or who ended a long-term relationship. Usually, a common-law arrangement would still make you eligible for a divorce support group.
A Men’s Divorce Support Group is a safe place for men to come to talk about whatever is top-of-mind. You can discuss topics such as How to Get Through the Holidays After a Break-up, how to make new friends, what emotions you are having and different ways to cope with the hard days, etc.
The top benefits of joining a support group related to what you are going through are, the camaraderie and belonging-ness that you will experience. Knowing that you aren’t the only one going through a hard time, can be incredibly healing.
Sharing your experiences, and even getting advice, from others in the group who have “been there” will help you manage your anxiety and depression, or whatever other emotions you are experiencing. You can learn some tips and tricks from others about coping strategies and how to take care of yourself and not fall into bad habits.
The Role of the Group Leader in a Divorce Support Group
In general, most divorce support groups are run or led by some sort of relationship authority. Perhaps you have an experienced relationship therapist running the group, or a clergy leader. Or maybe even a divorce attorney. Regardless of where the divorce support group is located, the group leader or facilitator’s role is to create a safe atmosphere where group members can share openly and get the support they need.
If your Men’s Divorce Support Group is led by a trained relationship counselor, the group will be more focused on your emotional recovery from the divorce. If your group is run by an attorney, the group may be more focused on the legal aspects of getting through a divorce and the aftermath. Whoever the leader of the group is, will likely be an expert on their aspect of the relationship ending.
Overcoming Stigma and Seeking Help for Divorce Recovery
As a relationship therapist, one thing I often hear from people is along the lines of “It’s weak to ask for help, I’m a strong person and I can get through this alone”. The distorted notion that getting support or asking for help makes you a weak person is actually so far from the truth, that it’s frustrating. The “strongest” people I know are actually the ones who are the most open, vulnerable, and authentic, rather than those who hide behind their armor.
Although seeking counseling is much less stigmatized than, say, 30 years ago, it still may not be a “normal” response to stress or divorce in your life. Sure, you can follow what everyone else does. Or, you can be an original, and seek out the support you desire that can help you get through a really tough time in your life.
Prioritize your own well-being and reach out for support today. And if you are in relationships with others (family, friends, work colleagues, even children), then put your oxygen mask on first so you can be a good person to those around you. Although counseling and support groups are not easy, you may find a significant personal transformation at the end of it.
Men’s Divorce Support Group in Colorado
If you live in Colorado, check out our online Men’s Divorce Support Group, led by relationship experts and trained therapists. You don’t have to go through this alone, we can help you.
How We Can Help:
Contact us for a free 20-minute phone consultation!
Our caring and compassionate therapists have experience in treating many mental health-related issues!
Follow these simple steps if you are looking for general support, or if you would like to talk to someone more about how we can help you:
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Begin your journey towards a calmer, more balanced life
Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:
Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.
Author Biography
Shannon Heers is a psychotherapist, approved clinical supervisor with Firelight Supervision, guest blogger, and the owner of a group psychotherapy practice in the Denver area. Shannon helps adults in professional careers manage anxiety, depression, work-life balance, and grief and loss. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.