Parenting an LGBTQIA+ Child When You’re Still Learning Yourself

Parenting is a lifelong journey of learning, growing, and adjusting–sometimes right alongside your child. As your child starts to share more about their LGBTQIA+ identity, you may have some questions or feelings come up–and that’s okay. Your love for them is still as strong, and now you have a meaningful opportunity to support them in being fully themselves.

If you’re still learning what it all means, that’s also completely okay. You don’t have to have all the answers or be perfect to be a supportive parent. What matters most is your openness, your curiosity, your love–and your willingness to keep showing up.

Let’s explore what this journey can look like and how you support your child with intention, care, and connection even as you’re still finding your way.

Start Where You Are

First, it’s completely okay if you don’t have it all figured out yet and that you’re still learning. You might be realizing there’s a lot you were never taught or exposed to when it comes to LGBTQIA+ identities. Many people grew up in environments where these topics weren’t talked about openly or were talked about in ways that were confusing or even harmful. So, if you’re feeling unsure or like there are gaps in your understanding, you’re not alone.

What really matters is your openness and willingness to learn and grow. Being an affirming parent is about showing up with curiosity, compassion, and respect for your child. This is a journey that you can move through step by step alongside your child.

Listen First and Then Talk

Whether your child shares their LGBTQIA+ identity with you directly, or expresses it through their behavior, language, or interests, they’re offering you something deeply personal and vulnerable. Often, this is a truth that they’ve been carrying quietly, perhaps with fear, uncertainty, or hope.

In this moment, your most important role is simply to be present. Listen to them. Let them know that they are safe with you. This isn’t a time for fixing, questioning, offering advice, shifting focus, or trying to understand everything right away. It’s a time for them to feel seen and accepted for who they are.

What you say doesn’t have to be perfect but what you say can have a lasting impact. LGBTQIA+ children and teens can face a world where they are met with misunderstanding, judgment, or rejection. Knowing that home is a safe, affirming place can be profoundly protective.

Here are a few affirming things you might say:

• “Thank you for trusting me with this–I love you exactly the way you are.”

• “I’m really proud of you for being true to yourself.”

• “I’m here, I’m listening, and I want to learn with you.”

Give Yourself Grace

Affirming and understanding your child’s LGBTQIA+ identity can be a learning process, especially if you weren’t exposed to inclusive language or perspectives before. You might make mistakes, like misusing pronouns or asking questions in a way that feels off. That’s part of learning—but what matters is how you take responsibility and that you keep showing up.

If you make a mistake, the most important thing is to acknowledge it with care–apologize, correct yourself, and keep going. What your child needs most isn’t perfection–it’s your continued effort, openness, and love. Each time you show that you’re willing to learn, even when it feels uncomfortable, you’re sending a clear message: Who you are matters to me and I’m committed to supporting you.

Seek Out LGBTQIA+ Resources

Taking the initiative to seek out LGBTQIA+ resources as a parent is one of the most supportive things that you can do. While it’s important to listen to your child, expecting them to guide all of your learning can place an unfair and added burden–especially when they deserve space to explore and express themselves without also having to educate others.

By taking the time to read, listen, and learn on your own, you’re showing your child that their identity is valid, important, and worthy of your effort. 

Honor Their Experience

Sometimes, in an attempt to relate, parents will say things like, “I went through something similar” or “I had gay friends in high school”. While these comments may be well-intentioned, they can unintentionally shift the focus away from your child’s unique experience and make them feel unseen or unheard.

Instead, try to understand your child’s perspective. What does it feel like for them to come out? How do they experience their identity in today’s world? What kind of support feels meaningful to them? Ask with care, listen without interrupting, and let your child be the expert of their own experience. Your role is to witness, validate, and affirm. 

It’s also important to recognize that LGBTQIA+ youth of color or those with intersecting marginalized identities may face additional challenges related to racism or cultural stigma. Affirming their whole identity means validating all of who they are.

Create A Safe Space At Home

Your home should be a place where your child feels safe, accepted, and celebrated for exactly who they are. This means creating an environment where affirming messages are woven into everyday life—in what you say, how you listen, the media you engage with, the jokes you don’t allow, and the boundaries you set with others. Affirming parenting is ongoing and intentional.

It may also mean stepping up to advocate for your child at school, helping them access gender-affirming care, or finding inclusive mental health support. Actions like hanging a Pride flag, using their chosen name, and honoring their pronouns can build powerful emotional safety and trust.

You Can Grow Together

As your child explores and embraces who they are, you have the beautiful opportunity to learn and grow alongside them. You might find yourself letting go of old assumptions or outdated beliefs, opening your heart to new perspectives, expanding your understanding, and building a deeper, more authentic connection with your child that’s rooted in trust and unconditional love. 

This shared journey can deepen your empathy, strengthen your bond, and help both of you navigate life with greater honesty and openness. It’s a powerful way to grow together, creating space for acceptance and joy in your relationship.

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Support

Just like your child may need a supportive community to feel seen, you deserve that too. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Whether it’s connecting with a parent support group that celebrates LGBTQIA+ identities, working with an affirming therapist, or leaning on a trusted friend who understands, reaching out can bring comfort, insight, and strength. Building your own circle of affirmation can help you show up fully for your child with love and confidence. Community is a vital part of healing and growth.

Supporting your child as they embrace their identity is a chance to deepen your connection and grow together. It’s okay to feel uncertain or ask questions along the way. What truly matters is your commitment to being present, listening with an open heart, and offering unwavering love. This will create a safe space where your child can thrive and feel truly accepted for who they are.

How We Can Help

At Catalyss Counseling, we’re here to support you and your family as you learn and show up for your LGBTQIA+ child with confidence. Our affirming therapists can help you process your feelings, strengthen your connection with your child, and create a supportive, loving home. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation to see how we can help! We’re here to walk alongside you every step of the way.

Author Biography

Pansy Ayala is a licensed therapist with Catalyss Counseling and specializes in treating adults with anxiety, depression, grief and loss, and relationship issues. She uses a holistic, individualized approach to better understand who you are, what areas of your life you find problematic, and how you can reach your goals. She especially enjoys working with parents. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.

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Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling, and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.