What is Religious Trauma and How Therapy Can Help

TW: Mentions of abuse and rape culture

Understanding Religious Trauma

First, let’s address the elephant in the room. Nothing shared here is meant to be critical of religions themselves. Obviously, not all experiences with religion are traumatic. However, High Control Religions (HCRs) share many abusive patterns with systems that exploit power differentials and are designed to control, dominate, or exploit individuals. If you’re here reading this, chances are you may have had difficult or confusing experiences with religion yourself.

As someone who has personally deconstructed from a HCR, I have firsthand experience with the impact that being part of one can have. Specifically, their use of fear, shame, and authority to control members’ beliefs, behaviors, and identities. When HCRs use coercion or engage in abuse they can cause significant harm. That’s what we want to learn to recognize here.

The patterns we’re going to look at aren’t limited to one faith tradition. While much of the research in the U.S. focuses on Christianity, there is significant overlap in practices that harm folks and these can show up as a high control version of any religion. While each context may be slightly different, the same strategies for control are used. Let’s explore what religious trauma, patterns to look for, and how therapy can help you reclaim your story. 

What Does Religious Trauma Look Like?

Survivors of religious trauma often describe experiences that mirror patterns of abuse that overlap with models that address intimate partner violence. This perspective comes from Dr. Laura Anderson’s book When Religion Hurts You which I highly recommend if you’re looking for additional information and resources. Some common themes folks report include:

• Isolation: Members of HCRs are told to avoid relationships and activities outside the group as well as secular media and information. Outsiders are often portrayed as dangerous, immoral, or influenced by evil.

• Minimization & Blame: Leaders may dismiss harm, frame abuse as discipline or “God’s will,” or shift responsibility onto the victim. It can sound like, “if you want to receive grace or forgiveness, you have to extend it yourself.”

• Emotional Abuse: Members are told they are inherently broken, sinful, and unworthy. If you’ve heard messages like this, it makes sense that you might carry deep shame or confusion about your worth. Being called evil and deserving of hell is common. Nonconformity to the group norms is met with shame, exclusion, and threats of punishment.

• Behavior & Thought Control: HCRs may dictate what you wear, who you marry, how you use your money, even how you think and feel about yourself. Specifically, folks are often taught that only leadership can speak as an authority on issues and that your own thoughts and feelings can’t be trusted. Questioning leaders is considered “rebellion against God.”

• Economic Exploitation: Mandatory tithing, unpaid labor, or discouragement of higher education can leave members financially dependent and limited in opportunities outside the group. People who experience low socioeconomic status are often labeled as lacking character (‘God helps those who help themselves’) which further marginalizes folks who lack privilege and resources. 

• Rigid Gender & Sexuality Roles: Women, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and gender-nonconforming people are often especially harmed by teachings that restrict autonomy and reinforce shame. More on this below!

The cycle often begins with love bombing which includes promises of belonging, safety, and unconditional love. This is followed by increasing demands for compliance which might sound like, ‘come as you are but don’t stay as you are.’ 

Nonconformity in an HCR may be met with threats of punishment, rejection of loved ones, loss of community and ‘rejection by god.’ Complete ostracization is a looming threat and for many, leaving can feel like social death. This kind of loss feels like grieving an entire way of life, people who try leaving an HCR may lose connections to family, community, and even one’s sense of self and worldview. If someone does leave despite these risks, they are often shunned because remember, outsiders are considered dangerous.

The Impact of Purity Culture

One of the most painful ways religious trauma can show up is through the effects of purity culture. This is a system of teachings that tie personal value and morality to sexual behavior, especially for women and LGBTQIA+ folks. The big idea is that “right sex” is for cisgender, heterosexual, monogamous married folks and anything else is sin.

For Women:

• Worth is often linked to virginity, modesty, and sexual purity. Because of the strict limits on any exploration of sexuality, many women don’t learn about their bodies or feel confident in their ability to experience pleasure. 

• Many struggle in adulthood with sexual intimacy, experiencing shame, pain, or dissociation because they were taught their bodies and desires are sinful.

• They may feel responsible for men’s sexual urges, carrying shame if they are told their clothing or bodies cause others to “stumble.” Many of these views have been linked to rape culture.

• Women’s agency and autonomy ‘belong’ to their fathers then husbands as their spiritual authority. Meaning her only choice is to ‘submit’ or experience consequences.  

• Marriage and motherhood may be presented as their primary life purpose, regardless of her own desires. Divorce is prohibited in many HCRs even when abuse is present. 

For LGBTQIA+ Folks:

• Identities and relationships are often labeled as sinful, broken, or deserving of punishment.

• Belonging may be conditional on denying or suppressing their authentic selves.

• Some are pressured into conversion efforts, which reinforce shame and cause long-lasting harm.

• Internalized messages of unworthiness can make it especially hard to feel safe in their own skin.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many survivors share similar stories of struggles like this. The harm runs deep. Research has shown that women raised in purity culture can experience levels of shame, self-hatred, and intimacy issues similar to survivors of sexual abuse. LGBTQIA+ folks may carry layers of fear, rejection, and internalized oppression simply for being who they are.

Healing from purity culture means reclaiming that:

• Your body is not your enemy.

• Your sexuality and gender identity are not flaws to fix, but parts of who you are to embrace.

• Love, intimacy, and pleasure are not sins, but human experiences you deserve.

You deserve relationships and experiences that feel safe, joyful, and true to you. 

Other Signs and Symptoms of Religious Trauma

Not everyone exposed to these systems will experience trauma, but many do. Survivors may experience symptoms such as:

• Depression, anxiety, or panic

• PTSD or complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

• Relationship difficulties and isolation

• Intense inner critic or self-hatred

• Suicidality or self-harm

• Body shame or disconnection from one’s own desires and needs

• Difficulty trusting themselves to make decisions

These are common and very real effects of trauma and healing is absolutely possible. It all starts with small steps forward. 

How Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Your Story

Therapy offers a space to process painful experiences and rebuild trust in yourself. Some helpful therapeutic approaches include:

• Emphasizing safety, trust, empowerment, and collaboration rather than authority or compliance.

• Naming experiences as abuse and validating your pain can be profoundly healing, especially if you were taught to minimize or deny harm.

• Learning to reconnect with your body and rebuilding trust in yourself, particularly if you were taught to distrust or suppress bodily experiences.

• Shifting from judgment to self-compassion, practicing mindfulness, and developing self-trust help counter internalized shame.

• Therapy can help you explore meaning, identity, and values outside of rigid religious frameworks.

• Connecting with others who understand can reduce isolation and provide a sense of authentic belonging.

Naming experiences as abuse and validating your pain can be profoundly healing. Sometimes just hearing, ‘What you went through was real and it mattered,’ can be the first step toward relief.

Moving Forward

If you’ve ever left a faith community and felt fear, shame, grief, or even guilt for simply existing as you are, you are not alone. Many others are walking this path of reclamation. Leaving or questioning a HCR does not mean you are broken or faithless. It means you are reclaiming your autonomy, agency, and voice. Healing takes time, but it is possible to build a life rooted in authenticity, compassion, and connection. And with the right support, you can write a new story.

If you’re beginning to recognize the impact of religious trauma in your own life, you don’t have to face it alone. Therapy can offer you a safe and supportive space to process your experiences, rebuild trust in yourself, and reclaim your story. At Catalyss Counseling, our therapists understand the unique pain of leaving high control religious systems and are here to walk alongside you. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation today to take the first step toward healing and finding your authentic self.

Author Biography

Jessica Carpenter is a therapist with Catalyss Counseling who works with adults who have experienced stress, grief, trauma, and a variety of relationship issues, including communication and conflict resolution, jealousy and betrayal, affair recovery, LGBTQIA+ community, and polyamory/non-monogamy. Jessica is also a licensed massage therapist, yoga therapist, and TRE provider. She is passionate about making wellness accessible to everyone. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.

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