The Unspoken Grief Hiding Within Illness

Here’s the obvious: no one likes to be sick. 

The not-so-obvious: the body isn’t the only part of us that hurts when we’re sick.

Mentally we may feel frustrated in dealing with doctors and insurance. Emotionally we may feel anxious about enjoyable experiences we’re missing out on. Often, we don’t recognize the “whole person pain” we encounter when we’re sick.

No matter the physical, mental, or emotional side effects of illness, they all involve some sense of loss. Lost time, lost mobility, lost expectations… everything we used to, but no longer, have results in an element of grief. And like all grief, we heal better when we tend to it.

Why Grief Is So Often Overlooked

Grief isn’t a topic most people like to discuss. Our society prefers to talk about staying positive and silver linings when things get hard or don’t go according to plan. The stigma of sadness makes grief more difficult to pinpoint and more challenging to address.

This is one reason why shining the light on the feelings of grief that hide within illness  is so important. When you’re able to name your emotions or feelings like the loneliness of friends not checking in, or the disconnect with a body that doesn’t function the way it used to, or the heartache of losing out on opportunities, you’re able to care for those feelings and ultimately yourself . 

Tending to grief is the best way to make sure it doesn’t intensify or get bottled up Negative patterns only add to the physical burden that you are already feeling.

What About Chronic Illness Grief?

While grief for ordinary ailments is common but temporary, what about the losses we face with chronic illness? What do we do with grief about ambitions that won’t be realized and dreams that will never come to pass? How do we tackle not just the illness, but also the companion feelings of grief, such as anger, resentment, guilt, and helplessness?

Like so many emotions, grief is multi-layered. From disappointment to despair to hopelessness to anguish, sadness wraps itself around our need for protection and answers. When sadness and boundary setting mingle, we feel resentment. When sadness meets a need for clarity it can spawn guilt or blame. 

If these troublesome emotional combinations collide with physical illness, every symptom is likely to feel worse. Headaches intensify. Rashes multiply. Syndromes magnify. Which is why the steady work of untangling emotional threads from the knot of illness so often results in decreased distress and diminished symptoms.

Honoring Grief as a Path to Healing

Of course, illness isn’t only an individual problem. Whether we’re experiencing a one-week flu or a four-decade disease, the people around us are also affected. When we care about others and see them suffering, grief sneaks in. There is sorrow in wanting to help others feel better but being unable to. We feel agony watching a loved one’s body decline and feel despair when dreams for the future are stolen.

Fortunately, grief is supple. It can be held and molded, warmed and softened. The mere act of not pushing it away can be the first step toward healing it. It may even be that the voice underneath your grief has insights it wants to share with you.

How We Can Help

You don’t have to carry the emotional weight of illness alone. Whether you’re struggling with your own diagnosis or supporting someone you love, counseling can help you feel more grounded and supported.

We offer compassionate, affordable care for adults and caregivers facing the complexity of grief that illness brings on. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation today to learn more about our Affordable Counseling Program and get started with navigating your grief.

Author Biography

Cierra McNamara is an intern therapist and a provider for the Affordable Counseling Program at Catalyss Counseling. She works with ill or aging adults and overwhelmed caregivers to manage grief, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, and compassion fatigue. Her goal is to help you uncover the courage, patience, and wisdom you need to feel whole when life is falling apart. Cierra has two decades of experience working with individuals and families who are navigating critical illness and end of-life. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

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