The Long-Term Effects of Growing Up with a Narcissistic Parent

When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, it can feel confusing, lonely, and even painful. On the outside, everything might look “normal”. Maybe it even appears like you’ve got the perfect family. But inside the home, things can feel off. Maybe your parent always had to be right. Maybe your feelings were ignored or dismissed. Maybe you were made to feel small so they could feel big.

These early experiences don’t just disappear when you grow up. They can leave deep marks that follow you into adulthood, especially when it comes to trusting yourself, knowing who you are, and forming healthy relationships. Let’s explore the long-term effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent.

What is a Narcissistic Parent Like?

A narcissistic parent often puts their own needs, emotions, and image above the needs of their child. This doesn’t mean they didn’t love you in their own way, but they may not have been able to love or see you for who you truly are. Sometimes, it feels like your parent is living their unfinished dreams through you.

You may have felt like:

• You had to be perfect to earn love

• Your parent’s emotions always came first

• You couldn’t express your needs without consequences

• You had to walk on eggshells to keep the peace

• You were never quite “enough”

This kind of environment creates something called relational trauma. This is a deep wound that happens in relationships, especially in childhood when we’re most vulnerable. It can continue to show up in your present-day relationships.

Things you might notice if you’ve grown up with a narcissistic parent:

It’s hard to trust yourself. 

One of the hardest consequences is learning to doubt your own thoughts and feelings. Maybe you were told you were too sensitive or dramatic. Over time this can make you question your own judgment, even in small everyday choices. You might often wonder, “Am I overreacting?” or “Is this really how I feel?” Maybe you rationalize your feelings, and find ways to discount or disprove your own experiences.

It’s hard to know who you really are. 

When your needs were ignored or minimized, you may have learned to hide parts of yourself to stay safe. As an adult, you might feel unsure about your identity. It might feel hard to answer simple questions like, “What do I want? What do I enjoy? What do I believe?” You might find yourself looking to others for guidance and direction.

Relationships are a pain point for you.

Many adult children of narcissistic parents find relationships confusing and exhausting. You might fear getting too close or worry about being abandoned. You may give too much, or not know how to ask for what you need. There may be a pattern of choosing partners who are controlling or emotionally unavailable because it feels familiar.

The weight of shame and guilt.

You may carry a heavy sense of shame, even if you can’t explain why. Or you might feel guilty for setting boundaries or choosing your own path. This comes from years of being taught, directly or indirectly, that your needs didn’t matter as much as your parent’s.

This is trauma… and it can be healed.

Growing up in a narcissistic household is a form of trauma, even if there was no physical abuse. Emotional neglect, manipulation, and control can leave deep scars. The good news: trauma can be healed.

You can learn to trust yourself again. You can get to know the real you. You can build relationships that feel mutual and fulfilling. You can lift the heavy weight of shame and guilt. Healing takes time, patience, and lots of support, but it’s always possible.

How can individual or group therapy help?

In individual therapy you can create a space that is truly yours. A space where your thoughts and feelings matter. Where you can talk about your past without being blamed or dismissed. Where you’re not “too much”, but you’re just right!

Therapy can help you:

• Understand how your past affects your present

• Learn to identify and trust your emotions

• Set healthy boundaries without guilt

• Heal shame and rebuild self-worth

• Explore who you are and what you want

At Catalyss Counseling, we offer individual and group therapy that is compassionate, trauma-informed, and tailored to your needs. Healing doesn’t have to happen alone. Group counseling can be incredibly healing for adult children of narcissistic parents.

In a group, you get to connect with others who truly get it. You realize you’re not alone, and never were. In process groups specifically, you get to look closely at all the ways you interact with the world and how to explore your own needs and wants in relationships.

Feeling ready to reclaim your story?

If any of this sounds familiar, know that healing is possible. You don’t have to stay stuck in the patterns that were created by someone else’s pain.

We help people like you recover from narcissistic abuse and reconnect with their true self. Whether you’re interested in individual therapy, EMDR, or group counseling, we’re here for you!

How We Can Help

You deserve to feel grounded, whole, and connected – to yourself and to others. 

We can help you get there. If you're ready to take that first step toward healing, reach out today for a free 20-minute consultation. You're not alone, and you never have to be again.

Author Biography

Frankie Washofsky is a therapist with Catalyss Counseling who works with adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and ADHD, as well as relationship, LGBTQIA+, and polyamory/non-monogamous issues. Frankie is also an avid gamer and blog author. She specializes in working with trauma survivors, highly-sensitive people, and people-pleasers. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

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Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:

Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.